


Wondering Nights

by Liv_Light_Seer



Category: magic vs science - Fandom, nontraditional werewolf, werewolf - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:20:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26651317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liv_Light_Seer/pseuds/Liv_Light_Seer
Summary: Mia, a highly intelligent young woman who made the misfortune of trying a unique blend of tea, for scientific purposes. Ever since that drink, her life had changed. Keeping track in a journal trying to figure out how to reverse what has been rot, she uses science to explain this mythical experience.Will she succeed? In the end, will she want to?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	1. Entry 1: Sleepless Nights

A night so crystal clear that you can see miles of stars, with some friends while having fun, would have been a better start to this story. Unfortunately, that isn’t how this one is going to go. This is a story that started with one stupid decision that turned my life all around. Well, more like documentations of what's going to happen for now on.

A little background information. I’d like to say that I’m a regular person, one who goes to school and hangs with friends. One who has a social life and not one who ends up not knowing where you wake up at night. It had gotten so bad that my parents brought me to the doctor to figure out why sleep walking has become such a normal part of my life. How does one exactly tell their parents, that I’ve not really been sleepwalking? They would never believe it even if I tried to explain.

You see, I come from a very closed minded family. No, not closed minded. Practical. That would probably be a better word to describe the world I grew up in. Everything could be explained away scientifically, even what some would call miraculous, my parents, they would say it was science. It doesn’t matter that science couldn’t explain it or not. “Science would eventually explain it away” was a common phrase in our home.

That all being said, my parents are some of the most loving and devoted that I’ve ever known. I have had many classmates comment how they wished their parents paid even a fraction of the attention I receive. The only problem with this attention is that they know when something isn’t right with me. Hence, the multiple doctor trips to figure out why I’m sleepwalking. Yes, it is a horrible excuse for me not being in my room the next morning, but I don’t have someone close enough to me to tell my parents that I’m staying at their house. I just want to have things go back to when I didn’t have to lie. When I could easily tell my parents things without them looking at me like I’m crazy. Or they would if I told them what's really happening.

I’ve tried to find a scientific reason for this to help explain everything. Maybe one day I’ll be able to find the cure through science, but for now I just have to keep that in the hope category and live in reality. My body walks on it’s own at night, like night walking. Not like a vampire or zombie. Gah, how cliche that would be. Unfortunately, that would make things easier. I could quit school then, and “get a night shift job” to explain my unusual behavior. Night walking is similar to sleepwalking only my consciousness is awake while my body is in control by my subconscious. But my subconscious is another being in itself. This is all because I received a recipe and decided to try it out, for scientific purpose of course. I never would have guessed that a recipe could cause this outcome. Science will have a hard time explaining how a simple drink changed my world, my very existence.

The ingredients were a bit unorthodox, but the directions were so simple, and I thought why not try it myself. It looked like an interesting drink. For the most difficult ingredients, I had to travel to China town to get, such as Lotus Root and a few others. But the other ingredients my family already had: sage, cinnamon, mint, alcohol, etc. I won’t disclose this recipe even on my deathbed. I don’t wish this outcome for even my worst enemies.

Even now, thinking about it, I’m not sure why I even tried to do this. Could chalk it up to a rebellious stage, maybe. I was intrigued by other people and their different beliefs. Growing up in science will explain everything, I was curious on how someone could believe in a higher power, or how they could believe everything is connected. Science calls it cause and effect, but they don’t see it that way. They see it as harmonious existing, and intertwining of different paths. Not one path is the same and each has multiple forks in the road. In fact, there are endless forks in the road. Each decision we make causes a new road to appear. It is still interesting that they don’t see this as a cause and effect. But as fate or destiny shaped by free will.

The recipe was from one of these people, someone I was interviewing at the time. I just wanted to do my own analysis on this, and now my entire world changed. You see, the recipe was a tonic recipe. Not a drink to drink if you didn't need healing. What she didn’t explain was that it could cause a permanent transformation. Turns out she hadn’t even heard of someone who tried it at all, and my thought was, well she didn’t give it to a scientist before now. We test things to see if they work all the time. Now every night, every single one, I walk the night. I’m going to have to complete school as fast as I can, so that I can move out of my parents house. That was a deal my parents gave me. Live rent free so long as I kept a 4.0 average, this way I could save for a house. Help me, if they find out that their little peanut is now a...I can’t even say it without turmoil.

I am a werewolf.

How does one cope with this? How do I fix this?


	2. Entry 2: Getting Some Facts Straight

I’ve asked myself to many times on how I’m going to cope. I thought about going back to that woman again and demand more research material, but she has been long gone after our last encounter. I might not have been the nicest to her, but she didn’t warn me about this side effect of this “drink” she gave me. Her only stance was, no one told you to actually drink it. Even worse, I knew she was right. 

My questioning at the time was about what people have asked her for and if they worked. She told me about the numerous items, tonics, spells, and enchantments that have been asked of her. She even said they worked. Then I asked if anyone would be able to produce the things she produces with the same result. She said, “Of course, anyone could do it.” What scientist wouldn’t take this and test to confirm her answer? 

Instead of testing on a “guinea pig” unlike others in my field would, I tested on myself. That was another mistake. Now I get to walk around at night because my subconscious is all about night time. I should stop saying subconscious, as it is more than that. It is another being. A wolf. The day is mine to walk, the night is the wolf's to walk.

I can’t stress enough how hollywood has completely went mental when depicting werewolves. At least, in my case. There might be others that are not like me that hold more to the myth of the creature. But for my sanity, I’m going to debunk a few of the myths that don’t apply to me. 

First, the whole full moon is complete and utter nonsense. The fact that I transform every night, yeah that doesn’t apply. That being said, I have a few ideas, theories, as to how this rumor started. Being as my human consciousness has control over myself during the day and not at night, this could be part of it. Also, if people were like me and drank the tonic back when modern technologies were not around, it would be conceivable that during a full moon, the brightest night of the month, people would see werewolves roaming about. But the fact that transformation would only happen at or on a full moon is not correct.

A bite from another werewolf causing the transformation. Do we need to review the fact that I turned because of a tonic. A DRINK. So, that’s debunked for now. I’m hoping that a bite from me won’t transform another person, but I’m also not willing to try it out on someone. At least, I know with me “awake” while being in wolf form, I can state that I’ve not bitten anyone while in that state either, yet.

Wolfsbane as a weakness. This, this right here makes me want to laugh. One of the ingredients to the tonic?. That’s right, Aconitum. More commonly known as Wolfsbane. I should have been suspicious to begin with, but coming from a scientific family I just thought it was a flower. Sure it can be poisonous, but the amount needed to cause death was far exceeded the measurement called in the recipe. There had never been anything indicating transformation from the Chinese history nor that of Greek history, who have used this as medical procedures for centuries. Even millenia. How was I to know? 

Silver bullets are not one that I particularly want to find out about. However, my parents’ have a silver dining set that doesn't bother me, nor do they have any effect on me when we use them to eat. Maybe this one was just fabricated. I feel the science on this is in my favor. Not going to test bullets though, I have a feeling silver bullets would kill anyone.

The next couple hollywood stereotypes seem to be ones that I’m going to need to further research and to document. Memory loss, heightened emotions/intelligence, heightened senses, etc. I know the loss of memory isn't one I have. Just no control over my body during the night. While I’m human I still feel the same emotions, and still want my life. I’d like to say that I have higher intelligence than most. But I’m not sure what canine level of intelligence/instincts would be. Does this mean I’ll regress back to primal instincts, become more wolf-like, or possibly even more neanderthal? Will I become super sensitive to noises, smells, taste, even touch? Will I become hyper aware?

Some of the research in the lore of werewolves, they say on top of the heightened senses, there can become a bloodlust. No self-control bloodlust. I’m not a killer. I can’t see my human side doing this, yet as I don’t currently have control of my body during the night, will this change? Will I want the taste of raw meat? Will my dietary needs change over time, or stay the same?

What’s worse is more questions come to mind. Is there a way that I can control the shift? Is there a way for me to stay in control my body even in wolf form? Is there various degrees of my transformations like in some movies? Half wolf-half human? I’d settle for just keeping my human mind in a wolves body, even if I have to repeatedly turn wolf every night.

More questions than answers at this time. More things that need to be tested. Things that I need to document and hope that what I document will eventually help me find a cure. One of the things about being a scientist, the curiosity doesn’t leave, even in the frustrating time of having more questions than answer. I have to stay positive, and work towards answering all the questions. 

Update on my parents, they are even more concerned with me. I was able to make some school friends through a gaming group, and this has helped with their views of my late nights. I exaggerated the gaming group just a bit. We don't game every night, but we do game between classes. Because I said it was every night, I had to reassure my parents that it wouldn’t hurt my studies.

It doesn’t help that they found out about my switch in studies. My parents don’t understand my switch, nor do they like it. I hadn’t had the heart to tell them and they found the school books that is apart of my new studies, this didn’t go well. I realized that there no point in keeping with studying physics and mathematics, if it wasn’t going to help me. I told them of my switch to majoring in ancient studies and minoring in genetics after they calmed down. This only posed a new possibility. I’m going to have to move out a lot sooner than after college, if I don’t start making progress on the cure. Do I move this plan up, or try to make this work for now at my parents?


	3. Entry 3: A Heated Day and Night

A new development happened, and I wanted to make sure I documented this immediately. One of the myths became real to me. One that I didn’t even think about when canine instincts came up in my research. Heck, who would have even thought that this would be a thing...well, except for certain fiction writers? Then again, I didn’t think to put this on my to research list. There have been many fiction writers that talk about this happening, but I thought because of the genre that they wrote in this idea was only to cause stimulations for their readers. Boy, would some of them be surprised as to how accurate they were for werewolves.

Luckily, it was only for one day and one night. Some of them say that it would last until the werewolf was satisfied. I don’t want to even think about that as a possibility. I hate myself for even having to go through this. I wonder if I were to talk to these authors and figure out what lore or what research they did to have thought of something like this when writing about were animals, particular werewolves. I know some will probably just say they researched the animals and not werewolves themselves, but they might have some idea of where else I can look. 

I’ve read on Native American myths and legends which gave me an idea of a possibility of this being a spirit, but I quickly dismissed that as it all started with a tonic that I made myself. I’ve even read on European folklore, but not a single one prepared me for what would happen to a female werewolf. Most depict a man as the wolf, but not many even thought a woman could become a were. Most women in the lores were either witches, enchanteresse, fey, or merfolk. 

I did have a thought, a theory, that I’m going to keep data on to see if this hypothesis is actually true. The whole full moon and can’t help but change is still false. I thought nothing at the beginning because I was changing every night. I even went to explain away this myth by thinking it might be because of lighting from the moon to back the claims that started the myths vs with technology now, and how people are not dictated in living by the lighting of the sky. My hypothesis now is that the wolves they saw or rather heard is when a female was in heat. 

Gah, I hate stating this in my notes. Ok to be clear. It was only for a day and night, on a full moon day and night, that I went through this uncontrollable urge. One that can only be described as being hot all over and wanting to jump every male counterpart that came within 100 yards of me. This seriously made me freak out when I felt this way for my own father. Yea, disgusting. Luckily, as a human I was able to fight those urges, but it wasn’t easy. This made my decision to find my own place, top priority. My parents will eventually understand, I hope.

At night, my wolf form was even more picky than I was. I just didn’t want to, but there was something about my wolf that showcased more of a searching. It didn’t even look at some of the neighbor dogs, even when there was an obvious wanting to on their end. It was like they felt or sensed my wolf was in heat. My wolf just growled and moved on. Whoever, or rather whatever, my wolf was searching for, she didn’t find it last night. It makes me wonder even now who, or what, she was searching for.

Scientifically speaking, I have made very little progress. It’s only been three weeks now since I’ve made the tonic, yet it seems like it’s been years. I hadn’t started my recordings of data until about week 2, so with only 1 full weeks worth of data, I can’t honestly state anything beneficial. Only my irritation that apparently, at least this month, I went into heat. I’m going to mark down the day and time line of what is happening before I go too far with this data. Then compare in a month.

Another weird thing to happen in correspondence to this timeline. Again, I hadn’t noticed this until the data was drawn out and I looked at my other personal data. The full moon aligned with my weekly time of the month. Plus, it seems it's caused my period to be only one day. I bleed once in the morning and that's it. Not sure scientifically what that means, but as a woman, this is one of the best things to happen from this whole experience, so far.

Maybe I should just count my blessings and not question too much. I won't, of course, but it is a nice side effect. I will be a scientist first, and record all that I can. I will do my best to make sure that if anyone is ever dumb enough to take the steps I did, they will be informed. I do still feel pretty dumb for not asking more questions before allowing my scientific curiosity to take over. 

If nothing else, this would be a great story to tell. Maybe I’ll become one of those silly authors. Only my information will come first hand, which might be more compelling for a reader.


	4. Entry 4: Food and Drink

Well, let's add this to something I didn’t predict. I hadn't noticed a change in my dietary needs until I went to game day. Then while trying to act as normal as possible, something happened. Some things became very distinctive in my dietary restrictions in forms of allergic reactions. Luckily, I had my eppi but what I reacted to was not something I was allergic to before. I had hoped the human part of me would have made it so that the wolf in me could tolerate certain foods. I was wrong, and now, I will no longer be able to consume some of human pleasures.

Dietary restrictions seem to stem from the wolf, I only had a few allergy restrictions from my human side before now. I was thinking on testing it to see if that has changed, but the only people who I would have to help me would think me nuts for even trying. I've thought long and hard about getting either an assistant or find someone crazy enough to believe what is going on but not calling the government on me to dissect me. That would not be my best day. 

Goodbye Chocolate. I’ve never been one to divulge in chocolate, but a once and awhile treat was something I looked forward to. They almost had to bring me to the hospital after I had a single hershey's kiss. Luckily, I was able to convince them otherwise. The eppi worked. I was so nervous because how could I explain my genetic phenomenon to doctors, and not become a science experiment for the government? Or the fact that I’m not sure what medications will work on me and what one’s won’t? Is my human side going to work with the medications, or is the wolf going to have a larger genetic code to make things not work for me? I was lucky the eppi worked to begin with.

Another thing that was brought to my attention, I had quite a few drinks while playing, and I wasn’t drunk. It was like my metabolism excreted the alcohol before it could really get me intoxicated. How did this get to my attention? My friends thought I have a drinking problem because I had over five drinks and didn’t even look tipsed. Should I enter a disclaimer here that these drinks would have made even a linebacker tipsy leaning on drunk after three. Add that to the fact that I’m 1.55meters and less than 81kg. The drinks should have knocked me out, but it didn't. My friends asked me if I needed help, and said they would help me get clean. How did I explain this? Just that my genetics allowed me to handle more than the average and that I was drunk, just didn't show it like normal people. They bought it, but I have to be cautious even more.

A surprising one change was soda. Being from the United States, this one boggled my mind. I mean, one doesn’t hear much about people trying to give their dogs soda, and I’ve tried to find research on this yet there was nothing corresponding to this. Nonetheless, soda is now on the don’t consume list. Honestly, most sugar items are off my list. This will help me in my losing weight, but man, to try and find a substitute dessert that I can have when the craving comes on is going to be hard. Sure there are many natural fruit plants that will help with the sweetness, but it will only give so much repreve from my need for a glazed donut.

One other side benefit that seems to stem from the wolf, my hair is always glossy. Not shimmery or oily, glossy. Like the kind that dogs get while sitting in the sun. My skin has been clearing up, and that was a side effect I'm going to miss if I ever get the cure for this. Other than that, my senses are just right. I haven't noticed anything developing further than my normal senses, not beyond the human capacity. Maybe I won't get the heightened senses. I'm going to count that on the blessing side of things.

I can say this for sure, it’s as though each new traite that I develop is something over time. Who knows exactly how things will continue, or how wolf like I become. It’s becoming a daily thing of more questions than answers. I can't do what I need to do at my house. I need a real lab, something I can control. I need to make these connections written and documented properly and not worry about someone stumbling on it and reading my documentations. I'm going to have to move out, and soon.


	5. Entry 5: Let the Search Begin

I told my parents that I’m moving out. They were not completely forthcoming with happiness when I stated this. They were nervous about my sleepwalking and also the fact that I just switched my major. They are nervous, asking me if this is me rebelling or if I thought everything through. Funny thing about all of this, I had already planned on moving out of my parents house before this. The events transpiring has just made this timeline move sooner than planned.

I just had to constantly remind them that this was the goal to begin with. Also, I had to extend the truth some. One saying that being in my twenties, soon thirties, is a practical time for me to move out and also continue on my journey in what will become my life later on. Talking the practical seemed to calm them down.

I just couldn’t handle the constant questions, daily, on what is going on with me. Ok, so daily might be exaggerating, but not by much. At first it was way worse, the constant doctor visits and trying to figure out what is wrong with me. It made me feel more like a science experiment then what I was putting myself through. The main question right now, what should I look for in my future house?

I had to modify slightly what house I was looking for from my original starter house goals. Rather more as to where I should live. While I had already started on saving for a house, it was more of a townhouse saving. I wasn’t thinking I was going to need a place with a large lawn. But now, I’m thinking if I can find a place that has something to satisfy the wolf. I want for me and my counterpart to start to get along, I can’t just think of my human needs. 

What kind of house would I need for a wolf, that’s a question not many would think to ask about. Given the research I’ve done, wolves live in dens. This can be a number of things, but I had noticed a trend in my wolf’s habits with that of a red wolf. Also, I was trying to remember what my wolf looked like to see if this was also a trend with the attributes of what sub-wolf species. That being said, I had to find a place that had a swampy feel to it. Trees, and water seemed to be the most consistent in the research I’ve done on the red wolf.

With that, the idea of a townhouse became an absolute no. I have a few leads and ideas of houses that could possibly make both the human and wolf happy. Most are within 30 minutes drive from the city, which will help in a general sense for procuring materials, food, research items, etc. Also, it will be close enough to my parents to hopefully keep them satisfied that I’m not going full crazy. One idea that came to mind was being sure the basement of the house could house an entire laboratory. I’d like to set up areas to do pathology and keep that data. I’d also really like to set up a second library down there for most of my research books. The library has been a blessing, but when one has to return a book, you can’t take notes as one would if the book was theirs: i.e. marking pages or passages that relate to the specific topic that you are looking for.

The houses that are prospects are all wonderful, but they are not meant for a single lady, they were built for families. Will I even be able to have a family of my own now that I’m a were? I guess I took that part of my life for granted, not planning for one, but also not thinking I wouldn’t have one. It was on the list of things that eventually would happen, and in it’s own time. Once school was done, and I got myself a prestigious job something that I know I could live off of myself and not need someone. But finding someone who would want to journey this world by my side and have a mutual respect for one another. Will that low totempole dream even happen? What if I’m not able to have kids? What if my kids are born as weres? What if I bear puppies?!? 

Ok off topic, but something to store in my need to figure out if this is going to biologically possible and if so, what would happen. How would this even work?


	6. Entry 6: House Warming

I picked out the best possible house that wasn’t too big, yet had enough checks on my list for me and the wolf to be happy. I am grateful for moving out of my parents house. No matter how much I love them, this was needed, especially with a full moon coming again. I shudder at the possibility of my second theory of the moon being correct. I don’t need that kind of strain on mine and my father’s relationship. They did come around to the idea of me moving out to my own place. My parents even said they appreciate that I’m turning the basement into a laboratory. This kept their scientific minds and hearts at ease.

I had made even more progress with my wolf, since I moved out to my new place. She seems to be more complacent and has not taken full control some nights. I’m not sure if this is because of me bonding more with her more, or if the environment is more to her liking. I’ve taken the time to try to understand her, she is as lost in this as I am. I’m wondering if her consciousness is connected similarly to the way mine is to hers. Like while she is in control it’s like I’m along for the ride. Is that how she is during the day? Will it be at some time where we will be able to replace each other at any time? Right now, there is a mutual want to understand, which I think is why she isn’t pushing me back as much at night.

I still am hoping to find something in my new genetic code to see if there are any clues to reverse this. I’m still hoping for this outcome. But I think this new set-up with my new house will actually be a good thing. Just in case. Even though I’m going to be researching this and try to find this cure, doesn't mean I can't be practical of all outcomes. Including the one of me staying this way, forever.

The tradition of a house warming party was one that my parents never really indulge in, nor did I think that they would want to set one up. But it also seems to be a major hint from some of my college buddies. I had told them that I moved to my own place to set up shop and not be under the parents influence as much, and one of them got the idea to talk my parents into pushing me into a house warming party. I think they just wanted a special invitation to know where I’ll be living and possibly have a study group or game time at my house. I am the only one who doesn’t live on campus or inner city, so I guess it makes sense that they would like an escape from the hassle and bussle of the city.

This could actually be in my favor as I had asked a couple of my more techy friends to help with locks and alarm systems. Again, something that I just felt I needed as a precaution. Being princess of suburbia didn’t prepare me for country life. I heard rural hospitality is a big thing, but I won’t chance the possibility of someone coming to my place while it was night and have me not be my human self. Also, I want a really high tech security system for my basement lab. No one needs to be able to enter that expect me. 

Most of my friends joked about me being paranoid, but I just told them they would be the same if they were to move to the woods in a backwoods area. They only asked why I would do this, and I just said it will be an investment for my future and leave it at that. When they saw the place they could actually appreciate the appeal that this place had for me. It was a 4 bedroom, 3 full baths, with a couple fireplaces. It was rustic, but with my modern flare of furniture and lab below, it became clear this was my house. This will be my home.

Before they left, they scheduled two game days on the first and third Saturday of the following month. I’m going to have to figure something out by then. They all know of my sleepwalking, but if one of them were to stay the night for whatever reason, I’ll have to make it to where they won’t confuse my wolf form for an actual predator of the night. Should I pretend that I have a dog and just say it’s loose outside whenever they visit? But would that work given I can’t be in two places at once? What to do? What to say?

A quick research update, I'm still unsure on some questions. But one thing, I'm not tired. It dawned on me that I should be asleep, but my mind is awake right? I have a hypothesis. I think I'm actually in a REM state in my subconscious. The part of my brain that needs the rest to catalog everything is happening, but I am also experiencing wolf form in a dream state. I'm hoping to add another machine to my lab to measure my brain patterns and I'm hoping I can get the wolf to also have it on for a bit before she explores for the night. Can't wait to pull my research in My Lab!


	7. Entry 7: Neighbors

I’ve only been to this new house now for about a week now. Just finished unpacking the last bit of the laboratory, and I set up my new recording station within the lab. It feels nice to have this space for myself. The wolf at night seems content with the new location as well. My parents live in suburbia and the house I found has more room for her to roam without possibility coming across others. She has become more docile. I think it was because I was able to get a place that had 14 acres of land. It was an investment for sure, but one that I’m willing to pay for in hopes of appeasing to her and become more of a cohesive unit.

That’s what I hoped for, then my screwy neighbor’s kids were wondering out in my woods at night. Luckily my wolf form knew not to engage, but I need to keep them out. I didn’t want to have to meet my neighbors so soon, nor how do I explain how I know their kids were out in my woods. They didn’t see me, at least my human me. But I had to know if they saw my wolf form.

When I went over, every instinct in me, and that of my wolf, told me to escape. Once they had invited me into the house, I knew why. Even now my body is shaking from a sense of pure hatred. As a scientist, human, and part wolf, that house made my skin crawl. For a lack of a better term, and trying to be civil while writing this, they are hunters.

Not just any kind of hunters, poachers. “Hunting” the animals they had hanging on their walls have been illegal for many years. Namely the wolves. They had at least 12 wolves hanging on their walks in just the parts of their house that I saw. There was a few mountain lions, bears, and even coyotes.

I haven’t been one to hate hunting. I know that most people do hunt for food and taking care of their families. That I don’t have any problems with, but this family. This kind of hunting isn’t for anything other than sport. The father boasted on and on how proud he was of his sons for getting their first kill at only the age of 12 and 14. My stomach turned over and over of the different stories on their “hunting” expeditions and how each one was special because those “monsters” were no longer wreaking havoc. I tried to interrupt but he just bulldosed me saying that this is why the forest is so calm now. There were packs of these wolves about and now they are not. He hated the government for banning the killing of these “vile creatures” because his boys happened to still see some roaming about for the past few years.

I excused myself as fast as I could. Only with a parting remark of saying I have a dog and I hope that their kids would stay on their property only. If I catch them out there again, I will have to call the authorities and they won’t want the headache that would cause. This man clearly didn’t see me as a threat nor take my words to heart. He didn’t like a twenty something little girl telling him what to do. We are not on the best terms, and my senses are telling me that I need to contact someone about setting up a perimeter on my property, pronto.

I didn’t particularly think of myself as an animal rites kind of person, but this could possibly have an effect on myself. Also, I feel sort of like I need to find these other wolves in the woods, and pray they are on my property so I can create a sort of safe haven from them. Until I’m in control of even my wolf body, this is too real of a possibility of me dying in wolf form while those beast of people potentially shoot at me. They didn’t sound like they would be stopped just because the law says for them to not hunt. I did take some measures today. I was able to get some tech from a friend at the college to set-up cameras surrounding my property. I’m asked for some sensory tech too, but given it’s in the woods, I’m going to have to tweak them, or find a tech genius to do it for me. This isn’t my area of expertise and I really need this done correctly. 

For now, my research is going to be more of the best type of fence that won’t make me broke, but will offer my mind a bit of reprieve with these psychos I live next to. I’m still shaking from the experience. I hadn’t thought with this day and age, especially with wolves being endangered, that I would have had to worry about being shot. I really don’t want to find out if normal bullets will work the same as the silver bullet of lore. How would I wish, even more, to have someone to talk to about these things. But outside of that woman, who is still MIA, no one knows I’m a were. I’m still not willing to share this new part of my life. I hope this is just paranoia and not a real threat.


	8. Entry 8: Sensory Overload

Since the encounter with my neighbors, my senses have heightened. Not in the most graceful way either. For example, the tech guy came over, not my techie friend. I had to hold my breath around the guy. He didn’t smell the most hygenic. Then when I looked at his eyes, I saw each spec of color change. Don’t get me started on the when we were in the woods. I kept flinching because it felt every bug was on my body. Yes, I’m a scientist, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my irrational moments of dislike. Mine happen to be winged bugs. I shutter even now as my ears can still hear the buzzing and flapping.

Luckily, the guy was good at what he did. I bought the wall and added some techy benefits that had made hooking to my home system pretty easily. They have this new sensory tech that can connect remotely. Unless someone disconnects the actual sensor directly, which will make it go off, I will be signaled of a breach. I hooked up some cameras too to overlook the wall just to do a double check, so I'm not jumping at every squirrel who wants to cross my barrier.

A side benefit to my being hypersensitive to everything? Even without the sensory technology, I can keep the 14 acres of my land for the most part under surveillance. So, on the off chance that it did get triggered by a squirrel, I can sense it. I haven’t experimented yet on how much or how far I can sense things. But I’m a bit happy for this to kick in. I feel much safer. 

I called Brad, my techie friend, to help explain to me a bit more of what the guy hooked me up with. I’m really grateful, but it only confused me more. I’m not sure if this is because I’m Tech-intolerant or if my entire body was so focused on my senses that I wasn’t able to focus. Focusing hasn’t been a problem for me before. I’m hoping that I might be able to control the overload of sensory more so that I will be able to focus better.

I had a thought earlier, and I tried to focus. Did you know that there are constant little specs surrounding us. All throughout the air. Before this transformation, I would only catch them through sun beams, but they surround us constantly. It’s really quite marvelous and disgusting. What my eyes are catching is making me see the world in a whole new way. But still, I’d rather not be able to see the constant reminder that I shed skin regularly. It’s bad enough when I dust my house and get that reminder.

A positive about all of this sensory overload. I was able to find a mini den of wolves, or at least I’m pretty sure it’s a wolve’s den. I’m not sure if I should approach them yet or just let them be. Whatever they are, they are lucky to be on my land, which explains why the neighbors were trespassing before. I can’t sense anything about the canines that would cause me to be overly worried, but it seems like their patterns are regulated. Which doesn’t make much sense. Most of the time, wolves stay in a general vicinity, but they don’t create patterns while they hunt. I’ve also noticed that their patterns clearly avoid the neighbor’s property. Are wolves that intelligent that they are able to sense when things are not the safest for them? Or are they not wolves at all. Need to do more research than just on wolves.

I know this much, I’m keeping an eye on them. I have this nagging need to go and introduce myself to them. But they are not wolves, and some other canine they probably wouldn’t like me. If they are wolves, then a wolf pack normally protective minded, probably wouldn’t accept a half wolf-half human amongst them. I think I might walk the woods everyday, so they can at least get used to my scent. That way, if I happen to need to defend them from the neighbors they will recognize my scent as friendly. Hopefully.


	9. Entry 9: First Game Night

I still can’t get over the fact that my neighbors are the absolute worst kind of human, especially for someone like me. They’re sons have tried to come over my wall a few times. It seems that they are not heeding my warning. The cops said because they had not crossed over into my property nor damaged my property that they can’t do anything about it. After that, time got away from me and it was the first of the two scheduled game days at my place. I hadn’t even thought of a convincing story for the dog door, nor for my extreme caution with the now wall around my property. Luckily that hasn’t been the subject. Unfortunately, there was a bigger problem. 

I’ve not yet actually wrote about my friends here. Didn’t think it was necessary to my research but as things happened at the game day, I thought I would give some background for future documentation if it were to arise. I joined this group to give me an excuse for being out without my family, but I've gotten to be great friends with them over the last few months. Seems even though I’m more introverted, it’s nice having people who I can just chill with and have fun. 

I’ve talked about Brad before, my techie friend. He is majoring in computer programming. He has helped me a lot during the last month living here. I’m not sure what I would do without him. He was also one of my first friends when I went to college. He was the one who got me to join the group.

Next is Erza, she is like the most amazing sister friend. She is the sister I’ve never had. We've not known each other long but she has become dear to me. I know she would do anything for me and I would do the same for her. Erza is majoring in Aviation. I tell her she is going to be the best pilot ever. Also, that I’d gladly hire her as my personal pilot for our trips we keep planning. 

Then there is Justin. Justin is who I would call the muscle of the group. He got in on a football scholarship, but don't let that fool you. He is extremely passionate about helping others. He is working on his business degree to be able to create a non-profit organization that is able to help people. His goals are constantly on his mind and he keeps finding ways to fundraise money for community programs. He is really amazing. The fact that he found such a floozy of a girl to be his girlfriend will be a mystery to me. She must be good in sales.

On that note, Justin’s new girl. First, I don’t really like new people to begin with, so the fact that he brought her to my house without asking first and that is her and my first time meeting sucked. Second, my wolf didn’t like anything about her. She just reeked of perfume and my senses screamed. I had a headache all day because of that smell. I’d like to use some words to describe this new girl, but my mamma brought me up properly. Even if I can’t say the same for that girl, I won’t drag my family name down. But, how can you go to someone’s house, and act as if the very air wasn’t worthy of you? I feel bad for being this way and causing friction between me and Justin. I just wish that they would have warned me and that she could have been even a little bit decent it might have been different.

I had done my best to play hostess. But there are only so many times someone can get hit. Strike One, as a host you should provided a variety of snacks. I did both healthy vegetables with dip and chips. This wasn’t good enough, apparently her palate was “too sophisticated to have such primitive and bland snacks”. Her words. Strike Two, as a host you should provided a variety of drinks. White wine, Red wine, three types of soda, and water. How dare I not have gin for a gin and tonic. Am I a barbarian? If only she knew the full extent of how I will never provide anything that has a name with tonic in it, nor how barbaric I was about to get with her. Strike Three, as a host to provide the games. I had grown up with card and board games as a main source of entertainment, electronic games were not even close to being provided. Why would they go to a place for “game time that doesn’t have electronic gaming. Man this is going to be boring.”

Erza came to my rescue as much as she could. But to be honest, I wanted to shove she devil’s snotty butt right out of my home. My wolf was all for it too. I could barely talk her down through my own anger. At one point, I’m pretty sure that my wolf growled through my human voice as the she devil complained yet again as to how “properly dreadful” it was that they had to “endure a place so quaint”. The growl in my voice gave everyone a pause. Knowing my limit was coming, I had in a not so polite way said this was my last round. Also, that they can finish the game, but I think it would be better if they left after so no one had to endure the presence of my quaint home anymore.

I’m not sure exactly what happened as they finished and were about to leave. The She Devil got super skittish. Saying that she saw a big animal outside. I had told them that I have quite a few wildlife that live here. I have some sort of denning animal nearby. Told them I thought it was either coyote or wolf. They have been keeping to themselves so everything is fine. She devil went ballistic when I said that, something about wild canines being the worst sort of animal. They are canines and untrained after all. Apparently, she devil is the biggest example of a cat lady you will meet...maybe I should nickname her Cat Lady and not she devil. She just wouldn’t shut up about how dogs wild or domestic are horrible and should never have been created. “Fowl creatures”, she sounded more like my neighbors by the moment. My disdain grew on every word she said.

Before they left the house, Brad and Justin voiced they felt better with me having the fence and the security, but they think I should get a housemate. One reason it would help with rent, and the second reason is I apparently need a man in which to protect me in case I have crazy neighbors. If they only knew. I refused to tell them about my crazy neighbors, especially with she devil right there. I didn’t need her input anymore. Plus the guys think my paranoia is for my research and wanting my personal space. Which is correct, but they don’t need to know there is more. I’ve been getting day flashes of getting shot since meeting my neighbors. Once they finished voicing their concern Erza chimed in too. Although she was more saying you got this great security, but maybe you should learn to shoot. She offered her dad’s range for practice. It’s nice having friends with such diverse backgrounds.

I told them I was actually going to look for an assistant to help with my data. Maybe someone who needs internship hours and is good with numbers. For mostly double checking my findings of my data. That seemed to calm them down some. It sounded like a good idea, note to self research on possibility of getting an intern. After promising to take care of myself and saying our goodbyes, everyone finally left. Justin's she devil eyed me with a hated glare as he hugged me the normal Justin way. Brad hugged me next, reminding me that if anything fritz to call him and he would be here that day to help out. Erza suggested having a sleepover. I said that I’ll think about it. She was hurt and disappointed because that was always my answer. But I can’t help that right now.

That was the end of the absolute frustration at game night, and I needed time alone. I felt like I couldn’t breath from sensory overload and keeping my wolf down. It felt like my skin was crawling and that my wolf wanted out the entire time. Right as their cars were leaving, my senses picked up that there were eyes on the house. I had tried to figure out who was out there. But only the normal wild life were out there. It seems like the pack was hunting a bit later for their normal meal time, but that was the only thing misplaced.


	10. Entry 10: Territory

Update on my friends, Justin called and apologized for she devil’s rudeness. She wasn't normally like that and was acting out because it was unfamiliar space. I told him I could understand that but everyone has a limit for what can be said about them and their home. I didn’t want anything to be between our friendship, and that I didn’t hold anything against him.

Environment update: I think something upset the canines in my woods. They moved their den closer to my house, which is extremely abnormal for them to do that. Especially sense it will be further away from the water. However, that explains why the she devil got so skittish towards the end of game night. Maybe she really did see a large animal. To be honest, I’m glad she got skittish. Maybe she will stay away from my home and me for now on. A girl can dream right? But I had looked back on the video surveillance, seems the neighbors have been along the border again. It seems harmless, but I’m not feeling the most confident that they are not going to try to cross to my land again. I don’t want to confront them again, the man is insane and won’t see what he is doing is wrong.

One cool thing, with the pups move, is that they are so close to my house now, I was able to get a picture of them from my window. Up until now, I've had the security camera out in the woods to go off of. But now with a color photo, I think I’ve was able to identify the wolf species. That was my initial theory, wolf. From the picture, I could tell they were too small for being gray wolves, but too big for coyote. I got a second opinion on it and I was correct. They are red wolves. What are the odds of me, a half red wolf from a tonic, would find a house that has a pack of red wolves living in the woods? This coincidence has startled me some. It seemed like I was still playing by someone else’s design, I wish I could find that lady.

Up until this point the wolves had stayed away from me anytime I got to them close. Now, they almost act in a guarding way. Guarding me not against me. Have they become so familiar that they’ve accepted me, or at least accepted the wolf in me? I’m hope that tonight means that they will not attack my wolf body while I’m out there. I know this move was more to protect the pack, but something seems more. Their pattern has changed so much.

*** *** *** *** *** ***  
Updated Entry Log: Territory:  
It seems that they have accepted me into their pack. How this happened, I’ve no clue. However, when my wolf went out for this last night, the wolves seemed to gather her to bring her closer to the others. The elder, not alpha, came up to my wolf form and did some custom amongst the wolves. I’m still not 100% what it meant, but it was something that I’ll have to research about when people put a new wolf within an existing ecosystem.

The alpha seemed to be accepting also. He even did a show of it. The wolf in me was...I guess I could say relieved. I think she was as nervous as I was given this was their territory. I think I’ve been given a sort of protection role in the pack. I’ve really already started that, it just seems odd that they just knew that I was. I’m honestly touched by this kind of loyalty. There are only a couple of females in this pack. One had pups recently. She even let me near them. My wolf and human heart soared by the sight and instantly developed protective feelings over those little ones.

I’m wondering how I can communicate to them that if they have to hide, that my house will be open for them. One of the younger wolves came over to me as I came out with my morning coffee. I don’t really need the coffee, I’m always energized in the morning even though I’m technically wake. Still not sure how that is. Drinking coffee is nostalgic for me and I’m drinking decaf so I don’t get too jumpy that I won’t be able to focus. The pup climbed my porch stairs and just laid down at my feet while I rocked. I was even able to scratch between his ears. He didn’t leave me the entire day. The contentment from my wolf was amazing, she didn’t stir at all. She didn’t even prodded me like she has been since the neighbors, or more recently/accurately the she devil.

This does bring up the question, what will they do when I’ve found a cure? Will they still accept me without my wolf? I know this for sure, no matter what happens, I will protect them.


	11. Entry 11: Assistant Named Orion

Quick Pack update, I’m guessing the alpha put me on guard duty, by which I mean there is always a wolf with me. Each day one of the young wolves is with me throughout the day. I’m getting great use of the doggy door, which is a positive. Also, I’m pretty sure they want to get my wolf to hunt with them. They keep nudging me in both wolf and human form. I’m curious to see how this progresses. Although, I'm not really looking forward to hunting in general, just curious on how they would accept me more.

Justin and Brad hadn’t gotten off my back about having a housemate, they had called and texted me daily about it. Men! To get them off my back, I made and put the announcement for an assistant not a few short days ago and I already found someone who meets most of the requirements. My new assistant’s name is Orion. I hadn’t seen any issues during the interview process. In fact, the boys were around when I interviewed and seemed to think he was a good fit. They even said it would be cool to have him join the gaming group if he wanted. Orion accepted the position when I offered it and moved in within a couple of days. Over the first few days or so, things have been rocky, but are smoothing out slowly. I’m grateful that he is used to larger dogs, his family had many while he grew up. He seemed to think that the wolves are mine and that they are actually a large dog breeds, like I’m a breeder of some kind. He even greets them as if they could understand him.

Orion took the position as my assistant for his research degree. He is focusing on biological and environmental studies. Which given my research is exactly what he is studying. He, so far, has high grades and his professors gave him high praise as a student and his capabilities. The only reason why he stated that he took this position versus one at a high prodigious positioned place was because the research would be in both areas he is studying. All the other places would have been one or the other. No one offered him the challenge this would ensue. He knows I just switched my majors some time ago and even though I’m his senior in age, he is actually more of a senior in our research. But he doesn’t seem to mind that. I think given my parents and their credentials this will be beneficial for him and getting contacts in where he wants to go. It’s helpful to know that this was helpful for him as well as me. Mutual benefit, it's a good way to start a partnership.

Dad was surprisingly ok with Orion staying at my place. I think because he knows this is a professional relationship and that he has had female assistants throughout his career and nothing happened. When two scientists come together, it can become a hodgepodge of two minds melding into one. Which if you only have one side of the spectrum, you could miss some of the information. I think he was just as impressed with Orion’s credential as I was. It wouldn’t be long for him to go off and need an assistant of his own when he pursues his own work. I guess he believes I will be the same. Time will tell as the research progresses.

Mom wasn’t too happy that my assistant was male, nor was she happy that I’m letting him rent out one of the rooms upstairs. My tenacity for scheduling and enforcing rules has alleviated some of my mother’s issues. We have a strict curfew that I have enforced, especially given I don’t know how he will react to me being a wolf too. It helps that my wolf was able to communicate to the other wolves that I would like their help. I still can’t fully understand the communications between them, but one of the wolves will stay outside his room and make sure Orion stays there at night. 

I’m hoping that I'll be able to pick up more on the wolves' communication and be able to understand what they are saying to one another through the many interactions with my wolf. I know my wolf is communicating my needs, but their language isn’t something that can be accessible to my human mind. I’m not sure if it is because I’m still thinking humanly during their interactions, or if I should relinquish even more of myself to be able to possibly understand. It’s an experiment, I’ve thought about doing, but too scared to enact. Maybe there is a pattern I’ll be able to pick up and be able to understand them better. 

My wolf has no problem with Orion. Which unnerves me some. She has been very suspicious of anyone new or anyone who might be a threat. From the very beginning she was calm. Seems like she noticed something about him that I don’t know about. I’ve not been able to have a good communication with her, we are still able to sense moods from one another, but to understand the mindset fully hasn’t been there. I think her communicating with the wolves was a precaution because my emotions and stress are so high in not finding out. Or maybe she understands me more than I can understand her.

My only hope right now is that I will be able to get answers, and not screw up when having Orion checking my notes and data. My wish. I want to be able to communicate with my wolf to where we can both understand fully. She is a part of me now, I want to understand. Even if I find the cure, I won’t forget her, nor what she can teach me. I want to understand and maybe protect the wolves even after she is gone. If they don’t find me a threat. It’s not like me to get sentimental, but I’ve become quite attached to the wolves and will fight whoever tries to hurt them. But I need to understand them first, and hope they accept me still.


	12. Entry 12: Second Game Day

Justin brought her back! How could he do that after what happened last time? I thought he would have seen reason and understand she just isn’t what he needs in this world. On top of that, what did she do the moment she stepped into my house? Insulted me, and ranted about how I could live with such dangerous animals so close to my home. I told her she didn’t need to be here, and at that moment, Orion came up from the lab. Talk about hormonal overload. THIS, this she devil straight up flirted with him. No shame in her either. Justin was already in the other room, but still I couldn’t believe what was happening. Luckily, Orion didn’t seem to notice her advances, or ignored them. Maybe he was used to it, I don’t know. One thing for certain, I will make my feelings clear to Justin that this she devil is not welcome on my property again.

I couldn’t even have fun. Again. Orion joined the group which helped when we played in pairs. I think he felt my disgruntlement because he kept checking on me. I guess we’ve learned each other’s body language faster than most. But that is only given the fact that we are living under the same roof. The only times we are really not in the lab working is when one of us has class. It seems our schedules lined up well this semester and we have two days during the week where it’s practically no lab time. I get most of my homework done during those days as well so that I can still focus. Orion seemed to do the same, or work during the night.

Brad and Erza arrived before Justin and she devil, which helped some. Even with she devil flirting away with Orion, Erza knew I needed her and broke some of the tension by asking how the research was going. Talk of work seemed to always be a way for me to relieve stress and find some ground to be solid on. We switched to the dining room this time for gaming. With there being six of us playing, it was the best spot. We decided to start up the game that we ended with last time during our text conversation the week before so I had everything already set up. Once she devil came in she instantly went into annoyance. Justin tried to talk to her about it, but it didn’t placate her. She just got worse as the day went on. 

It wasn’t very enjoyable even with Orion and Erza trying to play mediator. After they all left I wept in frustration. How in the world could someone like her even keep around Justin? He couldn’t be completely fooled by her could he? She is just the complete opposite of who he is. He has always treated everyone with kindness and has no qualms of getting his hands dirty if it were to help others. Where as she is rotten. It was as if he was blind to it all. I really hope to be able to ask him exactly why he keeps her around, but I know I will just chicken out. He is a friend of mine, but I don’t want to over step.

I decided that, with a couple hours left before nightfall, I wanted to try some reconnecting. One of the younger male wolves came to me while I was in my room having a breakdown. It seemed like perfect timing because I needed that connection. I hugged him right up until I transformed. While my wolf self went out I noticed the house was all clean. It seemed like Orion cleaned up, I wanted to be sure I gave him a proper thank you, but he was already gone for the morning classes when I did end up getting up. I’m planning on letting him know in the lab or as soon as he and I are in the same room. 

I only hope my deplorable mood swings don’t deter him from still wanting to be my assistant. He has been an extraordinary help and I’ve been making more progress with the second pair of eyes and the double checks on my math. Things might progress better than I could have ever imagined. I might be able to find a cure soon. I’m going to have to review or add notes about my human side getting more swings in mood. It might cause issues later, but it could also not. I just don’t know.

Erza wanted to come over again, I asked if she wanted to do a day trip to the mall or something. Maybe grab food and be girly for a while. I wanted to ask her about something I observed through the chaos of game day. I could swear my instincts were telling me Erza and Brad are an item. Or at least they progressed further than just friends. It would be nice to hear something good like that. 

My parents have been insisting on family dinners every couple of weeks. They wanted to be sure that my research is still on track but also the move has been harder on them than they thought. It seems that their “baby moving out and being a star in her world” has caused them to become more nostalgic than they would have thought they could be. I’ve even wanted to go to them anyways, I’ve missed having them immediately in access. Maybe they can help me with the she-devil and my inability to keep calm around her. Goodness knows, I need some advice.

My wolf has been giving me a bit longer afternoons lately. She hasn’t been demanding for release the minute the sun is going down. I think we might be able to have a better give and take with one another. This curse isn’t as bad as it was at the beginning. I think it’s partially wolves and partially Orion. Something, in our day to day, has caused us to have a bit of understanding and it’s almost as if she has accepted Orion as one of us, even though he isn’t. Then the responsibility we both feel towards the wolves have given us a bit of comradery. I think that’s what we have at least now is a comradery.


	13. Entry 13: Found Out

Hello, Orion here. I thought I would add this entry. She would probably want this to be recorded. I did a quick overview of the previous entries from her. I had no idea. She won’t be too happy when she wakes up. For one thing, I’m not counting this a breach of our agreement. For another, this way there will be another side to what happened in case you don’t remember everything that had happened.

I’d like to add my shock that you are a wolf. I don’t hate you for being different, and I understand why you would keep this a secret. I always wondered why you were researching everything that you were and not posting your findings on any boards, and now I know. Let me say this also, I won’t be going to the government. One, you are my paycheck. Two, you have such a brilliant mind to waste being cut up.

However, based on what you’ve written down, this is the first time you transformed during the day. It seems like your neighbors have been giving you issues with the wall and staying off your property. You have been protective of this land and the wolves that I thought you were an animal activist in your spare time. Which I should have realized wasn’t fact. You never take a break, unless it was to visit family or game day with your friends. It seems like the neighbors crossed your wall, and somehow you knew even with the alarm not going off. You raced into the woods to find the wolves, hoping to help them out.

I shouldn’t have followed. I knew you had wolves and that they were friendly to you, but they didn’t really like others around. But I couldn’t just let you go out there yourself. Given you are a petite woman, and your neighbors are “bat shit crazy” as you put it. I didn’t want you hurt and if anything I could maybe call someone for help while also helping you.

I’ve uploaded a video to this entry. Thought taking a video of them trespassing on your property will help you with the cops if they had to show up. I deleted it from my phone after I uploaded it here. I’m not sure if you have a spot for videos of you transforming or if you have some of you as a wolf. To be honest, I was petrified, but I also really was in awe. There was no hesitation, the moment the man pointed the gun to the wolf pup, it seemed your instincts kicked over drive and you attacked.

I won’t go into much detail because the story I gave the cops is what I’m sticking to. I’m just glad it was only the man who was there and not his sons. It would have been much more difficult to cover. What the police think is that the man entered your property without permission. Upon observing the wolves and their pups, you went to stop the guy from killing them. He attacked you and the wolves were the one who killed him. Given the injuries the man had and the fact that you got scraped a bit from him shoving you to the side, the storyline was plausible. I got there too late to save him, but was able to call the cops and ambulance to arrive.

We can discuss what will happen from now on given I now know your secret. I’ll just leave with, I’m glad I know now. I hope I’m not fired, and if anything, I come from a family of chemists. I might be able to help you find this cure you are so determined to find.  
\---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- ----------  
I’m a murderer. My wolf and I both saw red the moment he threatened the pups. I remember that much. I think my wolf shielded me from the rest, or maybe my subconscious knew my human side wasn’t going to be able to handle that. All I know is the blood lust was only for that man, he was the source of all that hatred and pure need for killing.

I’ve been found out...How did my neighbor get past my sensors? How do I make it to where this doesn’t happen again? Am I safe? What should I do?


	14. Entry 14: Do I Continue...

My neighbor didn’t have a good relationship with the community and it got worse after he attacked me. The community has been in and out most of the last couple of days. I think they just wanted to know what kind of woman could have wolves at their beck and call. This makes me worried because this might cause us to possibly have to lie. But given my research and the documents I have, they seem to be accepting that the wolves are just a part of my experiment and that they are just very familiar with me which might cause a sort of loyalty between me and the animals. But this kind of attention is just not something I’m a fan of to begin with, let alone trying to keep this secret.

Orion is still my assistant. He seems confident that he isn’t in danger of me, and that he will do his absolute best to help me find whatever solution I want in this. He thought even my wolf was beautiful. Not sure how I feel about that. I’m not sure how I feel about anything. Orion has been so amazing with keeping the community at bay. I wouldn’t have been able to get through all the questions and also keep the wolves calm without him. He has been a wonderful rock to lean on.

My parents were mortified. They now demanded to help pay for more security and possibly ship me off to a whole new place given that this was obviously not the right place for someone like me. They were slightly angry with Orion too, which made no logical sense. But what sense is there when you find out your daughter was almost harmed by her neighbor and was rescued by the wolves that she was researching. They were glad to accept the loyalty of the animals much faster than I would have thought, but it gave me breathing room from their almost complete smothering.

After what happened with my neighbor, there had been a link that formed between my wolf and myself. I’m understanding her now more than ever, but it seems like it’s caused a struggle for me to stay human during the day. Now that I’ve allowed her to have some day time while we defended the pups, she wants days. But this is my life. My wants and desires. Yes, we are closer now, the bond even more, I’m not sure if she would let me out at night. She hasn’t let that part happen. Seems she is just as stubborn in wanting to keep what little we started with.

Experiments with my wolf have become so much easier since Orion has been privy to all of the research now. I gave him access to the night time research and he is able to interact with my wolf with no issues. In fact my wolf seems to like him. I guess him being under the same roof and proving he wouldn’t harm us or the other wolves she deemed him one of the pack. The practicalities of it all has been a godsend, even if it isn’t something I would have been prepared for. Things have changed for the better, but the way it has progressed is not at all on how I would have pictured it all to happen. 

My emotions have been all over the place. My brain has been scattered too. I’m trying not to analyze everything, but that is so difficult. I’ve been told by my parents that they made a therapy session for me again. Looks like they are worried that I might laps into depression or some form of PTSD or something. I don’t disagree that I should see someone, maybe through talking things out even cryptically will help me decipher everything that has happened up until now and how I might go forward. Might even give me a break through.


End file.
